Today not so happy day

First I am having obsessive thoughts -- how do you stop obsessive thoughts? Second I decided that he is an asshole and I am a crazy bitch. Why is that?I decided I have too much time on my hands so I am trying to remedy that. Looking for a part time job and volunteering. While I was at walmart I had this wonderful eloquent blog post all thought out and now I am at a lost. Really it was just some feeling sorry for me bs but then I got a call from my best friend who I think needs to go to the er and her idiot BF won't take her. I told him if he won't I will come over and get her and take her myself. She feel and 18 hrs later is still talking jibberish. I think she has anywhere from a concussion to have had a mild stroke. She has heart problems so the stroke is not far fetched dramatics. I am praying nothing too serious is wrong with her.

Ok some business :D I had one comment on the first day. -- thank you :D -- And she was wanting more of my story. Well I had gastric bypass march 25th then I had a complication with a bowel obstruction and had resurgery march 31st. THis was more risky as I had to be fully opened up and was only suppose to take an hour... it took four and I woke up with the IV in my neck. Here I am in pain and my heart racing and that was the scariest part I just kept thinking that is very close to the corated (spelling ?) artery and my heart!! I had a high fever and my heart was racing so in that time I spoke to God. He did not so much speak to me as the words he said just appeared in my mind. I said if he wanted me to go I would go and it was so peaceful. Please keep in mind this is a huge deal because I am so terrified of death. Now I am not afraid of death as much as I just don't ever want to die. This is a contradiction for me as I have had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember and fight them off even with anti depressents so to feel that peace is wonderful but I am no hurry to go back. It seems that after my conversation with God I got better... my heart stopped racing and my temperture became bearable and I got better from there i did spend almost a whole week in icu and the rest of a two week stay in a regular room until I could come home with nurse visits. I have so much more to say about my stay and bad luck I had in there but I am just thankful to be alive and fairly healthy. I have lost 70 lbs in almost three months which is exciting but kinda crazy at the same time.

Anyway ... that is my post for now... feel free to leave more comments or questions again we all need a best friend from time to time.. someone with no other agenda so please let me be yours.

Thanks

Angela

Welcome

A few months back I had an experience that I fully believe in. I believe I spoke to God as I lay dying in an ICU unit. For some reason God spared me that day. I think for a reason. Now to clarify God to me is not just a singular Christian God. God to me is how ever you perceive him/her. Anyway... I was on my morning walk and something told me to start this blog. I know there are a lot of women and men out there who don't want or afford therapy who's friends are tired of hearing their problems or it is a problem they don't want to talk to their friends about email me or blog it here. If it is advice you want then ask it. Though I am shitty at advice for myself -- actually I know what I should do I am very logical I just have issues listening to my head instead of my heart -- I am not a therapist but I think I make a good best friend and I can listen and I can feel for you. I am far far far from perfect but I am open minded, logical, and emotional.

Right now for me my issue is why is it when you have a fight or a break up the guy is an asshole and the women a crazy bitch. Why can't we just see ourselves as human. We make mistakes and sometimes we can't help feeling how we do. Otherwise why a person love someone toxic so completely they would give up their own children or why give up a great guy who works hard, treats you good but the spark is gone. Really without passion is it far to stay for security? I am not sure I think it depends on the situation.

Anyway, feel free to email me directly so.not.the.love.guru@gmail.com or add a question comment here I will probably feature the blog post more but if I find an email touching I might ask to use it as a post also.

Thanks --- :D

Angela